The Twitchy Traveler's Guide to the Assholes of Holiday Travel
My Holiday Travel advice can be summed up in 3 words: Don’t do it! Okay, fine. Be that way you stubborn little shit. Congratulations on having a family you love enough to travel at the absolute worst time of year but a family that doesn’t love you enough to understand why you’d rather visit in March. I guess you gotta do what you gotta do. If you must travel, show up early. I say that not because of the volume of people but because of the types of people who will be flooding the airport. All the people who never fly are flying during the holidays. It’s straight up amateur hour. If it was Showtime at the Apollo, the Sandman would be exhausted from sweeping away all these busters. Prepare yourself mentally, physically and spiritually because you will run into the following people: Stingy Susan: Can you believe this bottle of Coca-Cola is $5? Yes I fucking can Susan, because we’re in an airport where the common laws of capitalism and decency cease to exist. Stingy Susa